i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize