i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
