oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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