after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
not ubering you a puppy
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
