I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
