who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
