its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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