But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
