its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
