porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
