OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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