sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I want a musical about memes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
