I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
