haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
