I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
