i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
