I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
