xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i believe in u and ur pee
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize