I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
