I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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