Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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