i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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