My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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