They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
