How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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