Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
