A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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