Sry I called you an 8
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
