OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
