The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
