I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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