I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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