Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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