he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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