Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
