Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
one two three fourrrrnication!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
