All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You are the jesus of drinking
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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