i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
