I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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