Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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