Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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