u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
