I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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