im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize