I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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