My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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