just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
