i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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