The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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