How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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