I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i out mim tonsoeep
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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