you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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