So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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