so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just found a bag of teeth...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
