sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was born a porn star she said
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
