Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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