CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
