I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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