I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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