First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
