life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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