Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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