ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
