I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
3pm strippers are depressing
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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