I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
