I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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