how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
